I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
