I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
