My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
