it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
