i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
