I wish my penis had an off switch
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
