i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
