You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
