omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
