In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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