Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
