There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
