Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
