why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
