i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
