I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
