i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize