At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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