My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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