just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
