oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have post one night stand depression
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
