I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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