I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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