There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
