i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize