In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
