I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
