you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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