you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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