girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
