my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
