pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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