after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
