So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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