I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
