Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
