btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
