She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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