Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
