Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
