it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
