Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
