but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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