So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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