So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
