I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
