Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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(540): View more from Virginia

You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.

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(716): View more from New York

I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean

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(314): View more from Missouri

Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won

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(734): View more from Michigan

He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

thank you pre-med degree.

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