He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When are your genitals available?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
