i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
