All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
