Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Randomize
