he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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