before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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