So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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