Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
