he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
