plz talk dirty to me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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