i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
