It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
