she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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