Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
