I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
