I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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