Already got asked if we're dating
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it because I queefed?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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