Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
