We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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