I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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